My snail's pace has continued in terms of adding to my blog here. Back in April of 2019, I had another entry published in an InterGifted eBook. This time it was in a book entitled
"Making the Invisible Visible: Intersections of Chronic Illness, Disability & Giftedness."
Now, two years later, I offer it here as well: "Gifted-Disability Lessons from Cath:"
"Making the Invisible Visible: Intersections of Chronic Illness, Disability & Giftedness."
Now, two years later, I offer it here as well: "Gifted-Disability Lessons from Cath:"
“Gifted-Disability Lessons” from Cath Hopkins of Vilas, NC, USA:
1 Super early, I found many of my orientations were described as atypical:
a How I Feel, Perceive, Process; and What I Value, Need, Long For.
b Some saw me as Highly Gifted; most considered me Hypersensitive.
2 Before long, I sensed my cumulative differences often rendered me too:
a Divergent, Inappropriate, Inconvenient, and sometimes Problematic.
3 Such characterizations were reinforced enough that I internalized this belief:
a Society deems me unacceptably different, thus, fundamentally defective.
4 Therefore, to stay afloat in the society I inhabited, I felt I had to conform more, and:
a Fit in via: Alter* my innate neurological, sensory, & cognitive orientations; and/or
b Fit in via: Mask** my innate self externally, but remain true to myself internally; or
c Admit failure outright: that I simply cannot live by typical mores & expectations.
5 Internalized shame & insecurity drove me to exhaust #4’s a & b before reaching c:
a *Alterations: like blinders, held only until my internal compass rejected them;
b **Masking: worked externally at first, but eventually proved counterproductive;
c Both these soul-destroying practices had costs, and my functionality collapsed.
6 By age 30, rapidly approaching my default 4c, I was failing by most typical standards.
a By age 32, I applied for Social Security Disability Benefits for depression/anxiety.
b By age 34, I’d qualified and been awarded my Social Security Disability Benefits.
7 At age 34, my Disability Benefits relieved enough pressure that I was masking less:
a Masking less cost less energy, freeing me up to live closer to own innate values;
b Such greater authenticity allowed me to see some gifts in differences & disability.
8 The last 12 years I’ve had bumps on my path of re-integration, plus these rewards:
a Risking taking my mask off meant I could find others w similar exceptionalities;
b Finding such people helped me learn things about myself that had been hidden.
9 At age 46 I learned I’d been masking autism and ADHD for decades, and my being Profoundly Gifted is why it went undetected. Having this more accurate lens is both illuminating and transformative. It helps me drop many typical standards, and focus on my own maximum wellness. For me, that’s largely reciprocal eco-restoration.
Concepts and Resources Helping Cath Navigate This Journey
Ableism; Neurodiversity; Twice Exceptionality; Alternative Models of Disability.
“Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families” (2006 big book).
Positive Disintegration (Dabrowski).
Spoon Theory (Miserando).
Polyvagal Theory (Porges).
Neurovisceral Integration Hypothesis (Thayer and Lane).
“General Unsafety Theory of Stress” (Brosschot, Thayer, and Verkuil).
“Two Ways of Knowing” and “Returning the Gift” (Robin Wall Kimmerer).
Photos Related to Cath's Story are Below...
I am not a failed “typical” person; this is not a failed “vertical” tree. We got knocked down, but we’re growing into our atypical or adapted wellness. She, this Buckeye, inspires me. [IMAGE DESCRIPTION FOR PHOTO ABOVE: a self-portrait of a hiker who is in sitting communion with a buckeye tree whose present orientation is horizontal rather than vertical, and showing an adaptive response by putting up new branches on what had over the course of her vertical life become a lower trunk free of low branches.]
Above: this is a photo of one of my eco-restorations, co-created with Mother Nature.
The netting on the left is a jute mat that will help enable seedlings to get established, and is held in place by the white topped “live stake” cuttings that will become trees. In 5 years, the netted area will resemble the adjacent area behind it full of saplings. [IMAGE DESCRIPTION FOR PHOTO ABOVE: this photo was taken while crouching in the middle of a small stream nestled between steep banks about 5 feet high. On the left in the foreground, a woven jute mat has been staked down over an eroded area that had become barren. The sticks poking up with white painted tips are alive - just dormant - and should grow into trees like those visible in the left bank further back in the photo. That portion of the bank was treated in the same manner about 5 years earlier and is fully vegetated now, featuring silky willow and dogwood trees that are about 10 feet tall.]
The netting on the left is a jute mat that will help enable seedlings to get established, and is held in place by the white topped “live stake” cuttings that will become trees. In 5 years, the netted area will resemble the adjacent area behind it full of saplings. [IMAGE DESCRIPTION FOR PHOTO ABOVE: this photo was taken while crouching in the middle of a small stream nestled between steep banks about 5 feet high. On the left in the foreground, a woven jute mat has been staked down over an eroded area that had become barren. The sticks poking up with white painted tips are alive - just dormant - and should grow into trees like those visible in the left bank further back in the photo. That portion of the bank was treated in the same manner about 5 years earlier and is fully vegetated now, featuring silky willow and dogwood trees that are about 10 feet tall.]